Extracts from Part 3

Time seems to stand still. In the far background, Raza Khan Pahlavi, stunned and livid witnessed the scene playing before him. His fists clenched then unclenched as the other man’s lips traveled over his wife’s throat with such passion that she moaned with deep pleasure and then trembling, she pressed herself hard against him in total surrender. He watched as her lips parted and his mouth descended upon her.
The wavering faint light in some corner of his heart, ignored most of the time yet its existence undoubtedly real ,now flickered one last time before dieing out like a candle in some ferocious wind. His body shook with unrestrained violence.

His wife in the arms of her lover!

His wife?

He swallowed the uncomfortable knots of saliva which gathered at the back of his throat and said tremulously, “Maa there isn’t a day which goes by when I don’t miss you - you are forever in my heart.”

He bend and brushed the dead leaves and earth from his mother’s grave. Then straightening as he turned to leave he felt that recognizable hand clap of reassurance descend slowly down his right shoulder. His eyes shut for a split second.

He’s mother’s touch of support.

Raza then turned back sharply. All he could see was a quiet grave yard and rustling tress in the wind. A wan smile on his lips, he turned back again. A mother held her children’s hands for a while but their hearts forever.

Even death couldn’t break that tie between Mother and Son.

Khalida locked her fingers together and took a deep breath which was audible to everyone in the room and which expressed that she was finding the whole ordeal a struggle.

“Raveena…instead of me explaining it’s best you read this dairy for yourself. She paused then resumed, “Aunt Sakeena gave this dairy to us just before we left for Melbourne. In there she has a lot to say - which involves us and our lives – I suggest you read it immediately.”

The saying is so true – what goes around, comes around. They say writing is a form of therapy, question is, do I need a therapist?

Perhaps I do. Perhaps I don’t. ……………..

The sun’s warm rays streaked from the gap between the hastily drawn drapes, over onto the bed quilt and seem to hit directly upon Sadiya, stirring her awake, as she lay on her side with Raza Khan Pehlvi’s muscular dark arm encircling her waist. Slowly turning on her back, she leaned on her elbow and gazed at the dark, handsome sensual face.

Hmmm…she licked her lips greedily. She could never have enough of him. She had had several discreet flings before meeting him two years ago at the Oxford where she was studying to be a fashion designer, but he was the ultimate.

He was her Lion. Her Lion king. In and out of bed. In a few months he would be her husband. Her husband! Hmmm….Mrs Sadiya Pahlavi, now that sounded perfect.

And incredibly handsome man. His name Raza, perfected his personality. Powerful, handsome and smart with a witty sense of humor but lately, strangely he had become moody and irritable, which lead to a lot of argument and tension between the couple. Then in a few days he would cool off, and show up at her doorstep with roses in his hand apologizing for acting like bear with a sore head and instantly she would find herself forgiving him. Afterwards they would make love for hours end.....

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“Powel’s man were doing some coverage in Dubai on the late oil baron Adil Dawud, apparently moments ago they also covered the formal wedding of his son, Anwar Dawud …to.Sadiya Sidqi from central London, United Kingdom.”

In the depth of his heart it was there and also present around him in spite of people, his true companion now, silence. He could hear it crying like a dying owl, self-conscious, desolated, desperate and alone, silence.

He coughed slightly as though to clear his throat. He coughed again and then again. Wow…the pain lifting from his chest up to his throat, neither sharp nor stabbing, neither faint nor shallow…how could he describe it? He lifted Geoff’s unfinished scotch from the bar drank it all one gulp as though it was some sort of medicine which would provide him with instant relief. Raza’s whole being seemed to be on raging fire. Yet it was distinct from the conflagration rapidly spreading inside his chest. God help him, how would he saturate that.

Coughing he turned and without a word started towards where the car was parked. The driver quickly held the door open for him with respect. He climbed into his seat at the back at the same pushing his dark sunnies over his eyes.

“Hey dude I am sorry. I’m so sorry?” Geoffrey murmured miserably not knowing what to else to say.

Still coughing Raza wiped the corners of his mouth with his white with blue strips handkerchief on which were engraved his initials.

Depression was a constant visitor now

Pain was unavoidable

Deafening noise swirled around him like gigantic angry ocean waves

Trying to reason a single voice speaking inside his head was like trying to catch a snowflake

His impaired fate suddenly very quiet.

Destruction total and absolute.

Life and love lay in ruins.

Love?

Raveena flopped on her bed over which was strewn her text books and once again stared at his picture taken beside Stephanie inside some Royal Yacht in Mumbai India. He seemed to be enjoying yet his eyes…something about his eyes, they seemed remote as though as something was bothering him. Almost immediately she chided at herself for been silly and over imaginative.

Yet she couldn’t prevent her heart knotting inside her breast. She shut her eyes and rested the newspaper on her breast then stared up at the ceiling and the voice inside her head cried……

♪It’s been a million years since♪

I touched you,

I thought time might help me win this game

But been away from you is slowly driving me insane…♪

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“I…see…” She tried to console the other woman not really knowing really what else to say, except empathize with her. Raveena put her arms around the other woman. “I do understand.”

“No!” The woman shrugged her off. “No you don’t understand.” Her face crumbled. Clutching her boy tightly against her heart. she started to weep loudly “You are not the one with a handicapped child!.”

Sometimes humanity and appreciation of every good life bestows no matter how big or small shines brightest under harsh and inhumane conditions.

And that moment Raveena’s whole course of life changed though she realised it much later.

Happiness….a rare blessing to mankind.

Love…the surrogate name for pain.

The lonely walk in the path of life a reality.

She took a very deep breath and then turned her head up towards the sky.

“Since the heart is a place where love comes from, now where does this love go when the heart dies? Back to the dead heart where it came from or turn into blood cascading from the eyes?”

Copyright Raveena Khan 2008

♪

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away♪

I'll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all some day
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know, dear
How much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away♪